Various Thoughts and Poems

Last night I had a bad dream that my mother died. The worst part about the dream is that a week or so before her death, I had thought about telling her how much I love her and how much she means to me. Finding out that she died, in the dream, I was grief stricken and regretful that I hadn’t told her my feelings. Today I think I will.

One Night I Married The Moon

He was in full bloom, radiantly sparkling. In his splendor I revealed all of my secrets. We talked for hours. He listened and smiled. He didn’t speak words, but sent understanding in a way as mystical as the stars around him. The clouds listened, snickered and teased. Then gazing into one another I said, “Will you marry me?” In the presence of the night we exchanged vows, then danced until the sun came up. I bid him sweet dreams and he slipped out of sight. Occasionally I’ll look up and see him watching over me. He knows that I care, and that I hope he loves me.

Lying in my darkened room, there is a lonely man walking his dog outside my window. I know he is there because I hear the faint sound of the dog’s chain scraping the concrete every step they take. It is the lightest, loneliest sound you would ever heard. Of a past, loving a wife- dead for a year now- yet it seems as though you saw her just yesterday. I understand why he only walks the dog at night.

It must be real…
The joy and comfort I
feel when we’re together,
The sadness I feel when we depart.
It’s not something that can be
Or I would.

To Mr. & Mrs. Speegle ~on your wedding day

When two people that hardly know each other fall in love together, they grow together. Throughout the years this small seed that you are planting will continue to grow. The flowers on the tree will blossom and fade, but they return again in the spring. Ups and downs are inevitable- you’ll do fine. Just remember to water your tree.

~December, 1994

Feeling all emotions at once, she lay
in ecstasy and pain; a physical
state of extreme existance. For
one moment she understood all, and
in the next it was
taken by death.

On the Brink of Madness and
Suicide, I sit
Awaiting the tide
Consuming or cleansing
my tattered Shell

Obesity caused the bones
in her legs to break as
she stepped into the light
for the first time in seven

Where’s all the ambition
belief, strength & will
power that used to
live in this shell?
Has it left with Childhood
or have drugs
stolen them from me?

Or was it the betrayel
of others that
raped my
precious bones?

You. I barely had the chance to get to know you. I never will. I can ask, but I’ll only get secondary information. I wasn’t even an adult yet- and you left me. You left me before, in another way; but nowhere near as permanently. Did you leave bits and pieces behind? Distributed among those you loved- and one you had not even seen yet? I’d like to think you did- so that you live on, not only in memory, but also in a “spiritual” way.

What does it mean? ~A conscious Dream

A child’s face appeared, she was sleeping under a brown fur blanket. The child was me. I tried to look at me form her view, but she wouldn’t let me. I asked “What then?” Let her go a voice whispered- over and over- “Let her go.” So I awoke the child, not through touch. She opened her eyes, got up- in her pink nightgown- started to walk away, she turned and waved good-bye, then kept on walking. The fur remained, was I to hide under it then? No, a dark haired woman with a gold medieval crown on her head snatched it from me. Was this another version of me? She twirled the blanket like a matador waves his cape at a bull. On her final spin it became a fur coat, which slipped into gracefully. Motioned with her forefinger to follow, I did. Towards whiteness- trees, with snow on the ground- no, they were doors, not a real landscape. She opened them and motioned for me to enter. I stepped into blackness and fell; seeing her get smaller at the dwindling light above. I wasn’t falling, I was swimming- through the blackness. For some time I saw nothing. An eel swam by. Then a butterfly fell and turned into a leaf- no a drawing of a butterfly. I was in the woods, in the fall, with leaves all over the ground. A man walked up and kissed me on the forehead. We walk through the woods. A bird landed on his arm. Suddenly it was winter- snow covered the leaves. We were sitting around a fire. There were anonymous people with us. Night creeped in, but he and I weren’t cold. The care felt between us was warmer than the fire itself. A small bug, resembling an airplane flew by. I was on it, flying over snow covered mountains. It wasn’t a bug, it was a dragon. I slipped around her neck, but she held me with her powerful arms; close to her pregnant belly. I jumped off to a cliff, watched her fly home, then turned to leave. I slid down the cliff, which turned into a long spiral slide. The spiral became part of an old man’s cane. Is he a wizard? A wise man, with his long white beard? He smiles at me with a warm and playful grin. The beard becomes a crescent moon. It swings into a hammock and starts rocking back and forth. Arms folded behind its head, it winks and says

If you don’t believe in your dreams,
You can’t believe in anything.

About Nicole

I'm a quiet artist making a living as a web designer.
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